Post by Residisi on May 20, 2015 14:48:20 GMT -5
HelloHello reached deep into the hole, every muscle and sinew stretched to breaking point. Fisting the hole would come at a cost. A cost that HelloHello was willing to pay if it meant that the newest JoJoLion chapter would come back to him. After a lot of straining and sweat, a glistening HelloHello clenched his teeth and pulled an erogenous gooey manga from the tight hole. As he inspected it, he imagined the ending of JoJoLion, as the now forgotten, prolapsed hole trembled, limp and quivering.
"I must keep it safe" HelloHello whispered to himself, slipping his prize into the snug confines of his shorts. The magazine nestled pleasantly against HelloHello's male anatomy as he pondered his next choice: Dare he use the orb in an attempt to reunite with his father? Or should he pawn it off for enough crack and mozzarella to forget ever meeting him? Before he could decide, HelloHello felt a sharp pain run up his urethra as the manga entered him. He could feel an incredible power welling up inside him. Slowly, his feet left the ground.
HelloHello slowly and passionately ran to DereDereChan for her advice, for she knows of many things, such as how to milk a goat properly. Finally arriving at his destination, his hand firmly grasping the door handle, HelloHello remembered a warning DereDereChan had given him months ago: "Hello. If you ever burst in here, floating inches off the ground with a glowing crotch, seeking my advice again, I will be forced to rent you out to the North Koreans for one of their methamphetamine socials."
Just then the door swung open to reveal DereDereChan, looking even drunker and surlier than usual. Various high ranking North Korean party officials could be seen frolicking energetically behind her in various states of undress, HelloHello knew that his fate was sealed.
Dere lurched forward, vomiting violently. The vomit pooled nicely on the part of the porch where Hello's feet should have been, as the light from Hello's crotch glowed. Dere's lips curled into a menacing smile. "Aah, Hello." She said. "We were just talking about you..."
"It's not what you think !" said Hello. But it was too late for excuses. DereDereChan gripped Hello's ankle and pulled him into the house, yelling korean insults that even she didn't understand. A table was laid out at the other end of the room, festooned with crowbars and tire irons, with which the Koreans were arming themselves.
"If only I had my Funny Valentine statue" thought Hello. That instant he felt immense heat, as his shiny crotch produced a razor-sharp Medicos Entertainment Funny Valentine life like replica statue. Hello gripped the statue, his face now filled with confidence. "It is I who have grabbed the first napkin!" He said with a deranged grin, and with the passion of one thousand chimps, Hello swung the statue in any direction he could. "Hello, no! Those are my best and only clients!" Shrieked Dere from a safe distance.
Even in the whirlwind of his passion, part of Hello's mind remained detached. "When this is over", he thought, "I am going to need, like, a whole factory full of spaghetti to soothe my jangled nerves." Sudden, intense heat engulfed him, and a stout industrial factory pipe emerged from his loins. A torrent of pressurized pizza-pasta emerged from the pipe, engulfing the remaining generals. "What have you done to my Xbox, you maniac?!" Dere was quite crossed, since last night ResIsBestStat had made fun of her once more because she had died 100 times to the Capra Demon in Dank Souls.
Hello glared at her. "Hopefully this will be last time you sell me to a group of speed freaks."
"We'll see." said Dere.
Hello turned his back on his friend and hovered slowly towards the door. He would find no help here. With great relief, Hello emerged into the sunlight. Araki was waiting for him. "HelloHello, it is I, Hirohiko Araki." Said Araki. "Yes, Araki, I know you." Said Hello. "We dated for three months."
Araki smiled sweetly. "Ah, Hello, it was that very ability to recall events which occurred continuously over the course of 90 days or less that first brought us together. Unlike me who forgot about all of JoJoLion's plot points. Nowadays I'm just buying time and hoping that I'll outlive my fans, giving them hundreds of chapters with no actual plot in a subtle, villain of the week format. Or you could call that rockman of the week, if you prefer that."
Hello's mind drifted to his and Araki's torrid three month love affair, but the only thing he could recall was the Thursday Jerk-off they had shared over a tense weekend at his father's house. As Hello approached Araki, he noticed something weird: He was not wearing the cowboy hat he had worn at all times since he was four. "I've got you, impostor!!" Hello said and hurled his Funny Valentine statue.
Araki dodged it easily. His eyes glistening like the freshest of donuts, he said: "Hello, you have changed. That manga has corrupted you. We must rid your urethra of its poisonous presence." Confused and deflated, Hello's spaghetti pipe retracted back into his body and he obediently followed Araki as he lead him to a mysteriously unmarked pink van. The minivan's interior was covered with pictures of Michaelangelo's work and naked Greek sculptures. A table stood in the center, upon which rested a plate of Hello's favorite spaghetti. Araki began to stuff his face with the delicious, noodle-like substance. The sight of the spaghetti slowly dripping from his mouth ignited Hello's lust like maybe only twenty other things in the universe could.
DereDereChan staggered onto her porch through the open front door, her footsteps silenced by a strange chewing. She looked at the drama unfolding on her front lawn and saw the thing masquerading as Hello's lovely Araki as it really was. Seeing Hello seat himself at the table inside the manifold rape van, which had undertaken its great journey through the totality of space and time, Dere recognized the certain peril that Hello faced. With every fiber of his being Dere shouted "That's a fifty dollar noodle you ugly bitch!"
Hello's gaze stretched before him but Araki's Italian lips remained the sole focus of his attention, his grasp on his surroundings slipped warmly away into a strange vortex of light and Greek genitalia. All inhibitions left him as the animal caress of each swishing hair washed up from his knees and over his plummeting body, the image of his beloved softened and quivered but for the piercing pools of his facial openings- tender ports into realms of tight welcoming unending tunnels of slippery nightmares, the coarse meadow of hairy penises turned to thick stubby fleshly udders that licked a mess of indescribable fluids and smells across his body but Hello no longer had fingers or toes his body was no more a manly machine of hair and musk, Hello was a melon in space, he was an open fridge in an empty house, he was a moan in a vacuum.
A fraction of a second before Hello's consciousness was snuffed out forever, a deep masculine voice moaned loudly: "Hello, you must wake up." The words shocked him like an heroin rush. Meanwhile, Dere decided to take a little nap on the lawn. The voice continued: 'You have been trapped in this same story, this same reality for 3 million years. In a few moments Dere will choke to death on her own vomit. Araki's testicles will become self-conscious and transform into an eldritch creature with a vertical mouth and a great appetite for human fat. Then you will be devoured in just one bite and the story will reset. If you don't wake up right now, this will keep happening, defying the laws of space and time."
"The culprit is none other than ResIsBestStat, the old incan demon your family clan fought for generations, maintaining the balance of Light and Shadows in this dimension. He is the Devil himself, capable of disguising his body and mind into many forms, he might have even fooled you once or twice during your many lifetimes. You are the Chosen One, Hello, that's why ResIsBestStat fears you. That's why he played Five Nights at Freddy's and talked to you about it. You were already being jumpscared before you even realized it. That's how he trapped you in this whore prison ala Part 6. The manga is the key Hello, use it to finish this story once and for all."
His conscious self restored, Hello desperately tried to think of a weapon that would work in the close confines of the minivan. A knife would have been the most obvious choice, but instead Hello's feverish brain settled on a device he closely associated with ResIsBestStat due to their shared history. The quarry materialized in mid air and magically strapped itself onto Hello's waiting hand. The resulting battle was fierce but rather short, even a trans-dimensional shape shifter is no match for a seasoned nerd armed with a quarry in close confines. The infernal spawn of ResIsBestStat tried to recoil back into the awful mind that had given birth to this very story. ResIsBestStat let out a cry that echoed through the cosmos. His quarry was settled.
The Greek posters morphed and started to contract as the rape van, sensing the demise of its owner, proceeded to collapse into singularity. With the last of his strength, Hello jumped off the van while "High Ball Shooter" started playing as the van exploded, before shifting into "Another Brick In The Wall", symbolizing that Hello had returned safely, but less human than before. Hello then turned the comatose Dere on her side so she wouldn't choke on her own vomit. Three days later Hello purged himself of the manga by urinating, easily the most painful experience in his life. He hid the manga in his secret stash of cocaine and JoJo, knowing that ResIsBestStat was wounded, but not dead, and that he would need the manga again, but this is a tale for another day....
<---TO BE CONTINUED
"I must keep it safe" HelloHello whispered to himself, slipping his prize into the snug confines of his shorts. The magazine nestled pleasantly against HelloHello's male anatomy as he pondered his next choice: Dare he use the orb in an attempt to reunite with his father? Or should he pawn it off for enough crack and mozzarella to forget ever meeting him? Before he could decide, HelloHello felt a sharp pain run up his urethra as the manga entered him. He could feel an incredible power welling up inside him. Slowly, his feet left the ground.
HelloHello slowly and passionately ran to DereDereChan for her advice, for she knows of many things, such as how to milk a goat properly. Finally arriving at his destination, his hand firmly grasping the door handle, HelloHello remembered a warning DereDereChan had given him months ago: "Hello. If you ever burst in here, floating inches off the ground with a glowing crotch, seeking my advice again, I will be forced to rent you out to the North Koreans for one of their methamphetamine socials."
Just then the door swung open to reveal DereDereChan, looking even drunker and surlier than usual. Various high ranking North Korean party officials could be seen frolicking energetically behind her in various states of undress, HelloHello knew that his fate was sealed.
Dere lurched forward, vomiting violently. The vomit pooled nicely on the part of the porch where Hello's feet should have been, as the light from Hello's crotch glowed. Dere's lips curled into a menacing smile. "Aah, Hello." She said. "We were just talking about you..."
"It's not what you think !" said Hello. But it was too late for excuses. DereDereChan gripped Hello's ankle and pulled him into the house, yelling korean insults that even she didn't understand. A table was laid out at the other end of the room, festooned with crowbars and tire irons, with which the Koreans were arming themselves.
"If only I had my Funny Valentine statue" thought Hello. That instant he felt immense heat, as his shiny crotch produced a razor-sharp Medicos Entertainment Funny Valentine life like replica statue. Hello gripped the statue, his face now filled with confidence. "It is I who have grabbed the first napkin!" He said with a deranged grin, and with the passion of one thousand chimps, Hello swung the statue in any direction he could. "Hello, no! Those are my best and only clients!" Shrieked Dere from a safe distance.
Even in the whirlwind of his passion, part of Hello's mind remained detached. "When this is over", he thought, "I am going to need, like, a whole factory full of spaghetti to soothe my jangled nerves." Sudden, intense heat engulfed him, and a stout industrial factory pipe emerged from his loins. A torrent of pressurized pizza-pasta emerged from the pipe, engulfing the remaining generals. "What have you done to my Xbox, you maniac?!" Dere was quite crossed, since last night ResIsBestStat had made fun of her once more because she had died 100 times to the Capra Demon in Dank Souls.
Hello glared at her. "Hopefully this will be last time you sell me to a group of speed freaks."
"We'll see." said Dere.
Hello turned his back on his friend and hovered slowly towards the door. He would find no help here. With great relief, Hello emerged into the sunlight. Araki was waiting for him. "HelloHello, it is I, Hirohiko Araki." Said Araki. "Yes, Araki, I know you." Said Hello. "We dated for three months."
Araki smiled sweetly. "Ah, Hello, it was that very ability to recall events which occurred continuously over the course of 90 days or less that first brought us together. Unlike me who forgot about all of JoJoLion's plot points. Nowadays I'm just buying time and hoping that I'll outlive my fans, giving them hundreds of chapters with no actual plot in a subtle, villain of the week format. Or you could call that rockman of the week, if you prefer that."
Hello's mind drifted to his and Araki's torrid three month love affair, but the only thing he could recall was the Thursday Jerk-off they had shared over a tense weekend at his father's house. As Hello approached Araki, he noticed something weird: He was not wearing the cowboy hat he had worn at all times since he was four. "I've got you, impostor!!" Hello said and hurled his Funny Valentine statue.
Araki dodged it easily. His eyes glistening like the freshest of donuts, he said: "Hello, you have changed. That manga has corrupted you. We must rid your urethra of its poisonous presence." Confused and deflated, Hello's spaghetti pipe retracted back into his body and he obediently followed Araki as he lead him to a mysteriously unmarked pink van. The minivan's interior was covered with pictures of Michaelangelo's work and naked Greek sculptures. A table stood in the center, upon which rested a plate of Hello's favorite spaghetti. Araki began to stuff his face with the delicious, noodle-like substance. The sight of the spaghetti slowly dripping from his mouth ignited Hello's lust like maybe only twenty other things in the universe could.
DereDereChan staggered onto her porch through the open front door, her footsteps silenced by a strange chewing. She looked at the drama unfolding on her front lawn and saw the thing masquerading as Hello's lovely Araki as it really was. Seeing Hello seat himself at the table inside the manifold rape van, which had undertaken its great journey through the totality of space and time, Dere recognized the certain peril that Hello faced. With every fiber of his being Dere shouted "That's a fifty dollar noodle you ugly bitch!"
Hello's gaze stretched before him but Araki's Italian lips remained the sole focus of his attention, his grasp on his surroundings slipped warmly away into a strange vortex of light and Greek genitalia. All inhibitions left him as the animal caress of each swishing hair washed up from his knees and over his plummeting body, the image of his beloved softened and quivered but for the piercing pools of his facial openings- tender ports into realms of tight welcoming unending tunnels of slippery nightmares, the coarse meadow of hairy penises turned to thick stubby fleshly udders that licked a mess of indescribable fluids and smells across his body but Hello no longer had fingers or toes his body was no more a manly machine of hair and musk, Hello was a melon in space, he was an open fridge in an empty house, he was a moan in a vacuum.
A fraction of a second before Hello's consciousness was snuffed out forever, a deep masculine voice moaned loudly: "Hello, you must wake up." The words shocked him like an heroin rush. Meanwhile, Dere decided to take a little nap on the lawn. The voice continued: 'You have been trapped in this same story, this same reality for 3 million years. In a few moments Dere will choke to death on her own vomit. Araki's testicles will become self-conscious and transform into an eldritch creature with a vertical mouth and a great appetite for human fat. Then you will be devoured in just one bite and the story will reset. If you don't wake up right now, this will keep happening, defying the laws of space and time."
"The culprit is none other than ResIsBestStat, the old incan demon your family clan fought for generations, maintaining the balance of Light and Shadows in this dimension. He is the Devil himself, capable of disguising his body and mind into many forms, he might have even fooled you once or twice during your many lifetimes. You are the Chosen One, Hello, that's why ResIsBestStat fears you. That's why he played Five Nights at Freddy's and talked to you about it. You were already being jumpscared before you even realized it. That's how he trapped you in this whore prison ala Part 6. The manga is the key Hello, use it to finish this story once and for all."
His conscious self restored, Hello desperately tried to think of a weapon that would work in the close confines of the minivan. A knife would have been the most obvious choice, but instead Hello's feverish brain settled on a device he closely associated with ResIsBestStat due to their shared history. The quarry materialized in mid air and magically strapped itself onto Hello's waiting hand. The resulting battle was fierce but rather short, even a trans-dimensional shape shifter is no match for a seasoned nerd armed with a quarry in close confines. The infernal spawn of ResIsBestStat tried to recoil back into the awful mind that had given birth to this very story. ResIsBestStat let out a cry that echoed through the cosmos. His quarry was settled.
The Greek posters morphed and started to contract as the rape van, sensing the demise of its owner, proceeded to collapse into singularity. With the last of his strength, Hello jumped off the van while "High Ball Shooter" started playing as the van exploded, before shifting into "Another Brick In The Wall", symbolizing that Hello had returned safely, but less human than before. Hello then turned the comatose Dere on her side so she wouldn't choke on her own vomit. Three days later Hello purged himself of the manga by urinating, easily the most painful experience in his life. He hid the manga in his secret stash of cocaine and JoJo, knowing that ResIsBestStat was wounded, but not dead, and that he would need the manga again, but this is a tale for another day....
<---TO BE CONTINUED