|
Post by Residisi on Feb 28, 2015 13:34:52 GMT -5
This thread is for being a shithead
>be me >just bought about 6 volumes of jojo during a trip to rome, including a michelangelo art book >tribble-senpai says that i have talent and that i should keep drawing >start drawing jojo stuff by using michaelangelo poses as a reference >looks pretty good so far >decide to start drawing at school during breaks as well in order to improve more >bring vol 1 of jojolion and michaelangelo book >after 5 hours of studying break starts and i start drawing >everyone looks at me while im drawing and is like: "wow your awesome!" >nerd in my class with no social skills comes and says: "lol looks like shit why dont u go to art school" >tells him to keep sucking cock and adding people on facebook that he doesnt really know >he goes away crying >feelsgood.jpeg >when i finish the drawing however classmates start looking at jojolion vol 1 >i know that im fucked >start reading fun fun fun fight where all the boobies are >laugh and call me a perv >goddamnit.jpeg >teacher comes and looks at me drawing >"whoa you draw pretty well" >yesyesyes.jpeg >he however takes the jojolion vol 1 as well and reads the fun fun fun fight as well >"what the hell is wrong with you?!" >whygodwhy.jpeg >today there is no class after break because we have to do a weird science vid >my class tells me to draw shit for the science vid >i draw a goddamn masterpiece symbol of the sun, representing solar energy being converted into electricity >teacher says its: "too symbolic" and chooses the poorly made one that my friends made >its the fucking teletubbies sun goddamnit >then science teacher comes >looks at my previous drawings and says: "these are great!" >niceuniceu.jpeg >sees jojolion vol 1 as well and reads up until the fun fun fun fight >"what is this disgusting thing you read?!" >OHMYGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.jpeg >go back home destroyed
MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't bring JoJoLion close to other human beings
|
|
|
Post by hellohello on Feb 28, 2015 21:38:02 GMT -5
Yup
Sounds about right
|
|
|
Post by Residisi on Mar 2, 2015 7:33:29 GMT -5
And here's more
>go to school >bring diamond is not crash final vol instead >everyone thinks that it's porn again and reads it but they are disappointed >suckit.jpeg >start drawing a godly funny valentine dominating D4C with NO REFERENCES >likeaboss.jpeg >classmates look as I ink my masterpiece >Suddenly, a classmate laughs while reading my manga >"Why are you laughing?" >"I never knew you had a fetish for hands!" >I quickly realize what he is talking about and remember kira >IHADABONER.jpeg >classmate shows that scene to everyone else >people think that i like art because i have a fetish for hands >mfw when people think i lick my hands when i sleep >suddenly lunch break is about to start >remember that today the school wont give us food because of some shitty reasons >remember that my mom made me spaghetti and put it in a box >take out spaghetti, ready to eat it >think about josuke vs tonio >laugh a little inside >put the box inside my pocket because i want to eat it in another class with cool guys >an asshole classmate sees my pocket >thinks that its manga >"lol still carrying that porn stuff around?" >slaps it and makes mom's spaghetti fall down >box luckily resists, but spaghetti and meatballs are all crushed >classmate soon apologies but it is too late >mfw when i cry 4 sweet spaghetti
I remind you that this is 100% real.
|
|
|
Post by Residisi on Mar 2, 2015 13:41:13 GMT -5
>exit class during lunch break >hang out with pervert italian friends (hey it's normal in italy) >they keep talking about how they want to lick pussies >they make weird licks >i say: "That's not how you lick!" >start waving my tongue around at supersonic speed >RERORERORERORERORERORERO >friends start laughing >find it accurate >record it and post it on the school website >i become a school legend in about an hour >feelsgood.jpeg >get back to class >jerk classmates laughing at me >do the kakyoin face and don't give a fuck >then we get news that tomorrow our maths teacher won't come >everyone screams happily >i scream happily too, but accidentally say: "WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY" >everyone looks at me puzzled >i laugh a bit inside and decide to keep going >go up to one of my classmates and shout: "ZA WARUDO!" >classmate is confused >"TOKI YO TOMARE!" >asks me: "what the fuck are you saying?!" >grab his schoolbag >"RA ROLLER DA!" >throw it at his head >"MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!" >he gets pissed and punches me (doesn't hurt though) >worthit.jpeg >classmate asks me what the fuck is wrong with me >I simply say: "Dick is alright, but have you tried filling your mouth with the love of lord DIO?" >he sighs and leaves me alone >mfw everyone thinks i'm insane >plot twist: i'm actually glad
yes this is all true
|
|
|
Post by Tribune Bolton on Mar 2, 2015 13:51:45 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Residisi on Mar 2, 2015 16:20:08 GMT -5
>get out of english class >go to the subway >think about why a tongue would work for a robot guard dog >after minutes of thinking, eventually settle down for the teeth as a taser and the tongue as a method to analyze materials, so that the dog can analyze which materials are safe for kids etc. and which aren't >get out of the subway >still think about how the guard dog would look >suddenly think about blade wolf >"omg blade wolf was so cool" >then start walking home and see two dogs >"heh funny i was just thinking about dogs" >suddenly one dog starts humping the other one as the other dog moans >ohgodwhy.jpeg >dogs keep fucking until the female one gets angry and bites the male dog, then bites again and bites the dog's dick >holyshit.jpeg >quickly leave the scene and accidentally meet a friend from school >"whoa didn't expect to see you here!" I say >"me neither" we start talking and walking through the streets >suddenly a wild picture of Bill Wyman appears! >my friend knows almost nothing about music because of his parents hating music, so he doesn't know old music at all >"hey look! it's bill wyman!" >"Bill? Who the fuck is Bill?" >i laugh a bit inside when he says that >explain him who bill wyman is >we say goodbye and i go back home >suddenly hear a loud howl similar to the moans of the dogs from before >uncomfortable.jpeg
|
|
|
Post by BlacKnightZero on Mar 2, 2015 16:21:51 GMT -5
It's funny because I also asked who the fuck Bill was.
|
|
|
Post by Residisi on Mar 3, 2015 8:10:11 GMT -5
>wake up >go to school >have some retard thoughts >"what if i talked to my classmates using only jojo quotes?" is most retarded thought >decide to do it >class starts and we find out that our maths teacher isn't ill anymore >fuckno.jpeg >she comes and makes me sit next to the nerd of the class >backstory: i hate the nerd of the class so much because he's cocky and thinks that grades are everything, and literally cries for hours if he gets a grade lower than A, he also often tries to bribe people by saying that he'll like their facebook photos because he thinks likes are everything (he's that dumb) and he also thinks that he's surrounded by friends, while in reality everyone either hates him or just uses him >anyways he sits next to me >says some shitty joke that wouldn't even make my grandma laugh >i fake a smile >boring lesson continues and i'm glad when it ends >a teacher is missing so we can do whatever we want unless it causes confusion >fuckyeah.jpeg >take out Vento Aureo vol with metallica fight >start drawing, but in secret >no-one realizes that i'm drawing and they don't notice the Vento Aureo vol >"No-one shall find out the identity of the Emperor!" >lunch break starts >this time no need to bring spaghetti since school made turkey >eat delicious turkey and head to PC room to draw more shit (and write this) >suddenly wild nerd appears and sits next to me with his fake friends >nerd goes to the facebook website >changes facebook's password options so you can see your password while typing it >thinks that he's clever and tries to steal people's passwords by making them type it on his PC >one of my friends is roaming the PC room and the nerd calls him >I look at the nerd and say: "Don't even think about doing that bullshit, it's just plain stupid." >"I don't care. Hey why don't you help me lure him in? He's your friend right? He'll believe you. C'mon, if you do it, I'll tell you his password and like all of your facebook photos!" >I grin a bit >"Oh, so you'll give me his password and like my facebook photos?" I say while smiling >he nods >"But I refuse." >then i start shouting towards my friend and say: "Josuke! Go away from this room at the speed of 67 km/h!" >he starts saying: "But I'm not Josuke..." But eventually leaves >nerd gets pissed with me and leaves >epic.jpeg >decide to torment the nerd more and go inside the classroom >find him studying like a nerd as usual and stealing notes from the notebooks of other classmates >go to my desk and start studying literature >i am pro at literature, even beating the nerd without even needing to study like a bitch like him >he knows that so he goes next to me and says "Look we got on the wrong foot here, let's make a deal. If you teach me literature I'll show you my notebook with all of my maths homework so that you can copy and then I'll like your facebook and instagram photos! Deal?" >i'm even more disgusted from his new offer >"What did you say? Depending on what you have said, I might have to kick your ass!" >he looks at me dumbfounded as if he thought i was some kind of retard who would accept such a shitty offer for such a horrible human being >"Alright do maths yourself!" He says as he angrily leaves the classroom >niceuniceu.jpeg >realize that he left his phone on his desk >decide to do a final prank >cut out a few pages of my diary and glue them together, making them a small book >cover them with the Vento Aureo cover I had >write on the first page: "DO NOT READ AFTER THIS PAGE" >huehuehue.jpeg >ask my friend if i can borrow his phone with loud sound >he says ok >take nerd's phone and replace ringtone with "Another One Bites The Dust" >check where nerd is >he's just coming back >will take him about 3 minutes to reach class >it's 1:10 >write on the papers stuff and hide outside the balcony of the class, hoping that the plan works >it's 1:13 >he comes in and sees me gone, sighs a little and looks at my desk >finds fake Vento Aureo vol >he laughs a little, i think he wanted to play a prank >he opens the vol >it's 1:15 >he sees the "DO NOT READ AFTER THIS PAGE" shit and thinks it's just bullshit >reads the next page >"1:15: The cupboard starts shaking" >i throw a tiny pebble at the cupboard in the class from the window, shaking it >he notices that and is surprised >he checks the time >exactly 1:15 >even more freaked out >hellyesigotit.jpeg >he turns to the next page >"1:16: X's diary falls" >throw a pebble at X's diary which i placed close to the edge, making it fall >he notices that too and gets up in surprise >he starts getting really scared >checks the diary, finds nothing wrong >checks the time this time too >exactly 1:16 >reads the next page >"1:17: Nerd is dead. He was killed by his new power. ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST" >he is even more scared now >checks the time, 1:17 >i call him on my friends phone who isn't on his contact list >"ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST! ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST OH! ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST HEYHEY!" >he freaks out and almost drops his phone >sees the unknown number on his phone >hesitates for a moment, eventually answers >"Hello?" >I scream: "BITE ZA DUSTO!" >I then play a really loud explosion.mp3 on my friend's phone and the nerd hears it and falls down on the ground out of fear while screaming >I enter and start laughing >he looks at me and understands what happened >his face turns red from hatred >he starts punching me, i'm surprised >i start blocking and drop my friend's phone (luckily didn't break) >with two arms free i manage to block and push him back >he is scared because he has a weak nerd body and even a fat guy could beat him up >i ready my fists and say >"Now it can be a fair fight can't it?" >start pretending to barrage him with a flurry of punches >"DORADORADORADORADORADORADORADORADORA" >he instinctively blocks >justwhatiplanned.jpeg >i kick his nuts >he screams >"Next you're going to say is: Was this part of your plan all along JoJo?!" >He just moans and keeps touching his balls >I use the Joestar family's secret technique >mfw when i pranked the nerd of the class so hard
I don't know if I'll get punished from the teacher for doing this, but one thing is certain.
WORTH IT.
|
|
|
Post by Residisi on Mar 3, 2015 13:28:50 GMT -5
>cont. from last story >get out of the class but suddenly think about the nerd >"what if he's planning on getting revenge by tearing up my Vento Aureo vol or something?" >quickly go back inside and indeed find him about to open my schoolbag >go up to him >"look, it was just a harmless prank, i kicked you lightly!" >"no way bitch! it fucking hurt! fuck you and your shitty things!" >starts opening my bag while shaking it >i touch his shoulder and start talking in a deep, monotonous voice >"My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My home is in the upscale neighborhood northeast of Duwang. I am currently a bachelor." >"what the fuck are you saying?!" he interrupts me but i ignore him >"I work for the Kameyu Market regional management office. Every day I work late and I don't get home until 8 PM. I don't smoke, I drink occasionally." >nerd starts getting pissed and starts to open his bag >grab his maths homework and take out a water bottle (our class is full of water bottles because we throw them around) >i open the water bottle >he looks at me and knows what i'm going to do >"I'm always in bed by 11 PM so I can get a full 8 hours of sleep. Before I sleep I drink a warm glass of milk and do my stretching exercises for about 20 minutes. That way I fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly until morning." >i make a small drop of water fall on the homework >"Every morning I wake up refreshed and stress-free, like a baby. During my yearly checkups my doctor always says everything's perfect." >nerd looks at the water drop spreading and quickly shouts: "Stop! I won't damage your things just stop! I wasted three hours on that!" >"I was just explaining what I do to go about my life quietly, with a calm heart. If you keep worrying about winning and losing, it'll just stick in your mind, and you'll be troubled. You won't be able to sleep at night if you're always worrying about your fears. My attitude towards society has made me a very content person." >"heh you're just saying that cause you're jealous of me being first in class! all those dumbasses say that winning isn't everything but they are wrong!" >mfw when he actually took my words seriously >decide to scare him a bit more before cooling off >"What I'm trying to say, young X, is that you are exactly the kind of troublesome nuisance that threatens my tranquility..." >i start keeping the bottle closer to the homework >he begs: "Please don't!" >"So before you talk to anyone else...." >bottle is even closer >nerd leaves my desk and comes close to me >"Okay I won't touch your things! Just stop!" >give him his homework and drink the water >ijustwantaquietlife.jpeg >class starts after an half an hour >teacher comes in >suddenly nerds smiles >"Teacher! Res kicked me in the nuts!" >everyone looks at me as if they didn't believe that >"Teacher I swear! It hurt so much!" >goddamnnerds.jpeg >teacher calls me to his desk >"Is it true Res?" >i decide to be honest >"It's true teacher, but I only kicked him lightly and quickly helped him. It was just a prank." >"Prank or not, this things are dangerous! You could have made him sterile!" >nerd laughs like a cunt >"I'll let you go this time. Now go!" >i go back to my desk >at this point two options remain: revenge or slothoku >i choose revenge >while the nerd studies, i study as well, but use the dickish part of my brain to plan something evil >come up with a plan, but nerd must go to the bathroom for it to happen >remember that nerd almost never goes to the bathroom >think about a way to make him go >suddenly, i have a genius idea >wait a few minutes >nerd eventually asks me what i want to hear >"Hey Res, do you have-" >"Next thing you're going to say is: Do you have the science book that I lent you yesterday?" >"Uh..Yeah." >"Well let me check my schoolbag....OH NO! I must have left it at home!" >"Goddamnit Res!" >nerd gets up and goes to ask other people for science books >justasplanned.jpeg >he left the phone on the desk as usual >tinker with it a bit while he's still asking >write a note on his diary that he'll only see later >"Teacher, could I go to the bathroom?" >teacher allows me to go and I go >i actually wait close to the corner so i can peek a bit >nerd goes back to the desk with the book >turns the page of his diary >places his finger exactly where i wanted him to >the note says >"WHEN YOU TURN YOUR HEAD YOU WILL-" >his finger is on the last word >mfw i'm laughing so hard >removes his finger >"DIE." >call him with my friend's phone >"ICE ICE BABY!" >he takes out his phone and everyone looks at him >mfw when i turned on the vol to the max >teacher scolds him >he gets pissed >i go to the bathroom for real and come back >he suspects that its me >"Res, if you do that again I'll beat you up." >laugh a little inside because he can't do shit >"Yeah sure." >school ends and i start packing >suddenly i realize something >my science book isn't in the school bag >i had the science book all along, but the only one who could have got it was... >i leave my stuff and start running towards the exit of the school >nerd is just getting on his bicycle >"Stop right there nerd! Give me back my book!" >he laughs and starts driving away >i run but he has the advantage >realize that i have no way to reach him >pant and begin to give up >but then i realize something >nerd is driving next to people and dodging them with his bike because he knows how to drive a bicycle properly >i call him on my phone >"ICE ICE BABY!" at max vol >he loses concentration and accidentally rams some people who luckily don't get hurt >people get angry but leave him alone >i run towards him >"Nerd, the reason you lost was because...." >i take my book and walk away like a badass while he's recovering >"You pissed me off." >res's shitty life stories day 3 end
When do I get my own manga?
|
|
|
Post by BlacKnightZero on Mar 3, 2015 15:19:58 GMT -5
That was smooth, Resis. Real smooth. I'd expect nothing less.
|
|
|
Post by Residisi on Mar 9, 2015 17:25:29 GMT -5
>bring vol of stone ocean at school >doesn't have "that" scene with whitesnake >start reading a bit until i get to F.F vs Kenzo >start drawing some shit >classmates look at call it gay >say that art is useless and shitty and that movies are way better >i get pissed but i just ignore them and keep drawing >they get annoyed at me not reacting and go away >keep drawing until class is over >go hang out with my friends >they start listening to old 70s songs >one of them says: "Man I wish I was born in the 70s! No shitty music there!" >I say: "Dude that's just nostalgia. I bet in the future everyone will think about our generation's songs as awesome shit. That's just nature, running its course." >he just says: "Nah, modern songs suck!" >I start mocking him >"I 3 years old and I hate my generation. Always listening to crap songs like Patty Cake and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, while I'm listening to the real music like Stairway to Heaven!" >he laughs and understands my sarcasm >we joke a bit about nostalgia >i keep drawing jojo >suddenly the wild nerd from before appears! >"Oh? Still doing that shitty comic? Heh, you'll just fail at life and will have to live at your parent's basement. That is if they don't kick you out first!" >he laughs as if he is being clever and goes away >i feel pissed >I shout at him: "W-What did you just say?" >he looks at me >"Depending on what you have said. I might have to kick your ass!" >he smiles, i smile too because i know what he's gonna say >"Next you're gonna say is: You already said that!" >"You already said that!" >he is shocked and i can see the NANIIIII in his face >"whatever you still suck" >I decide to insult him since he always insults me, but JoJo style! >"That hair style is hilarious nerd! Your fashion sense is 20-30 years out of date! You really think that looks good!? >he looks at me angrily >"...Your hair. You might think it looks cool, but it doesn't really look good. At all. It sucks. These days it just makes you look like an asshole." >he gets even angrier and says: "What the fuck did you say about my hair?!" >starts punching me >i protect myself by punching his arms a lot >he grunts from the pain >i start taunting him >"Heh, you mad? I bet you're really pissed that I punched your arms." >do an epic jojo pose >"Serves you the fuck right! You'd better get on my level! I haven't been able to sleep for three weeks because of your goddamn shitty hair!" >he starts getting teary eyed >i am surprised for a bit and then understand what's going on >his face gets red >HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY.jpeg >he starts crying like a baby >i do the joestar family secret technique >as i leave the class i find out something amazing >remember the time when i threw the bag at the nerd while imitating DIO? >yeah that shit became a meme at my school now >everyone shouting "MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA" and shit >everyone asks me to imitate DIO again >do some DIO shit >everyone claps >feelsgood.jpeg >Rerorero also became a meme >school is almost jojofied except for that shitty nerd >go back in class and find him still crying >almost feel bad for him, but later remember that he is a nerd and that he deserves it >get back to drawing >thuglife.jpeg
|
|
|
Post by Khârn on Mar 9, 2015 18:21:31 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by BlacKnightZero on Mar 9, 2015 19:26:33 GMT -5
Damn Resis, you sure know how to meme it the fuck up. I'm impressed.
|
|
|
Post by Tribune Bolton on Mar 10, 2015 10:22:30 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Residisi on Apr 19, 2015 5:40:56 GMT -5
>not much happened to me these days >nothing jojo happened which is sad >go to school like always >DIO and RERORERO memes are still strong but they don't realize that it's jojo >suddenly some guy shows weird video of a Muslim skydiving into London and blowing it up >they all laugh >oldjoke.avi >they mention about the song in the vid being arabian dubstep >i tell them that it isn't true arabian dubstep >they ask me to show them true arabian dubstep >i take out my phone and play the Pillar Men theme >everyone likes it and start doing weird arabian dancing or some shit >after school I go home and find out that my birds need food >feed them >i have two birds, one of them is red/green and the other one is blue/white >since i'm shit with names I called the red one Esidisi and the blue one Wamuu >i want to breed them that way they have more kids >suddenly my mom comes in and tells me that the seller scammed her and sold her two male birds >wtf.jpeg >find out that my birds are gay >decide to test something >play the awaken theme on my phone again >the birds start grooving >mfw ive been growing pillar men for 3 months
|
|